Slice of Fantastica (Part II)
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: Sparky and Buster have officially given up in their fight to take down Nickelodeon for what it really is, but lucky for them, RK. Wade, and Jaylynn have joined the fight as well.
1. Slice of Fantastica (Part II) Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 3

EPISODE 4

Airdate: October 19, 2014

Title: Slice of Fantastica (Part II)

Segway Segment: Classic Music Videos ("Do the Bartman" by Bart Simpson)

Special Guest Stars: The Mysterious Mr. Enter as Himself, Tara Strong as Cyma Zarghami, Divide the Day (Joseph Nichy, Adrian Maude, Brian Dropkin, Billy Haig) as disguised RK, Wade, and Jaylynn

Satire/Social Commentary: Same as Part I

Written by Michael "frostyfreezyfreeze54" Anderson, animated by Rafael Santana, storyboarded by Tomas Greenberg, directed by Sam Henderson

COLD OPEN

(The instrumental to "Running Up That Hill" by Placebo playing in the background)

(Sparky stands in front of a grey screen with a serious face, in the style of _Blossom_)

(dramatic adult male voice) SPARKY: Last week, on a very special _Thank You, Heavenly_...

BUSTER: Why are we doing this?

SPARKY: To catch everybody up.

BUSTER: Yeah, but why are you...

SPARKY: Last week, on a very special _Thank You, Heavenly_...

(Buster is sitting next to RK, looking scared)

BUSTER: I'm pregnant. With Jaylynn's child.

(RK gasps)

RK: You son of a...

(RK attacks Buster for no apparent reason; Sparky is later shown in Wade's kitchen, with Wade pissed off)

SPARKY: OK, so I hit your girlfriend, but the bitch had it coming. She can't even hold down a good Miller.

WADE: You're a disgusting alcoholic and you're dead to me.

(Wade takes a can of Miller and sprays it in Sparky's face after shaking it)

(Jaylynn is in court on trial while also on the stand)

PLAINTIFF LAWYER: So you ADMIT you drank the soda?

(crying) JAYLYNN: I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DON'T LIKE THAT FLAVOR!

Scenes from the A-plot of last week's episode are shown:

-Sparky gets the call in his tree house to come to Burbank

-He and Buster see their brand spanking new office

-Russell Hicks and Sarah Levy alter one of the scripts for _The New York Diaries _so it's now fit to executive specification

-Buster finds out he and Sparky have lost creative control

-The two are given a serious ultimatum by Zarghami

-The kids react negatively to the series premiere

(opening sequence)

PROLOGUE

(In the style of _Kenan and Kel_, Sparky and Buster walk through the red curtain on stage doing an urban dance while the audience cheers)

SPARKY: Hello, everybody! And welcome to the _Thank You, Heavenly _program. I go by the name of Sparky!

(loud reception for Sparky)

BUSTER: And you know, around the way, I tend to be referred to as Buster.

(loud reception for Buster as he flexes his arms like Shawn Michaels)

BUSTER: Dammit, I paid $200 for that pyro to go off. Omar is going to get it backstage.

SPARKY: Well, tonight's show is the conclusion to our big two-parter. Boy, let me tell ya, we have action. We have...

(Buster does Kane's signature pose of conjuring fire, and the screen becomes red and bright for a few seconds while "Slow Chemical" by Finger Eleven plays in the background)

SPARKY: Buster, what the hell was that?

BUSTER: Well, I've always wanted to come out on stage and do that. Besides, some guy paid me five bucks and some crappy tickets to a Passengers concert to do it.

SPARKY: Who was it?

BUSTER: I don't know. All I remember is that he was some weirdo. There he is in the front row!

(Buster is pointing to RK, sitting at the far end of the front row)

SPARKY: Buster, that's RK. RK, why are you in the audience? You're part of the show!

RK: I know, but I'm tired this week. Why don't you guys do something funny?

SPARKY: RK, get your ass backstage or you're fired!

RK: OK, OK, calm down. Or...do it again. But with more authority and roughness.

(Sparky angrily stares at RK)

RK: I'm going, I'm going.

(RK runs backstage while the audience laughs; Sparky then starts to think deeply about something)

BUSTER: You know what? He's right. Why CAN'T we do something funny for once?

(Buster notices Sparky is thinking about something deeply)

BUSTER: Um, Sparky, why are you in deep thought?

SPARKY: I'm just thinking about the word "fired" and what you just did with the fire. In fact, I think fire is going to be a big part of tonight's show. Now, come on, Salty!

(Sparky starts mumbling to himself while he goes backstage)

BUSTER: Sparky? How are you able to dictate what tonight's show is about? Sparky?! I forgot our motivation for making this reference! SPARKY?! AWWWWW, HERE IT GOES!

(Buster runs backstage while the crowd cheers. The curtain pulls back to reveal a black screen. The audience and the stage is never shown again for the rest of the episode.)

SCENE 1

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Sparky is playing "Knick Knack Patty Wack" by EPMD featuring K-Solo on his computer. He starts performing K-Solo's verse with an exaggerated imitation of his raspy voice when Buster comes in, scratching his head and raising his eyebrow.)

SPARKY: People, gather round listen to flow. Yo, so I can prove that I'm the true Solo. Too many suckers, have bit my name in vain. Punk rappers thought I was sleepin', but Solo came.

(Sparky looks to his left and sees Buster at his door)

SPARKY: Oh, hey Buster.

(Sparky pauses the song)

SPARKY: I wasn't doing anything, you know, bizarre and whatnot, it's just...did you know...that there's only one sample in this song and Dr. Dre stole it? Bit the whole thing?

BUSTER: I know your flow sounds like two cats failing to have sex. Hey, do you know about Mr. Enter's latest video?

SPARKY: Mr. Enter? Who the hell is that?

BUSTER: You know, The Mysterious Mr. Enter? The brony cartoon reviewer? _Animated Atrocities,_ _Admirable Animation_? (sighs) RK thinks he has a hot voice?

SPARKY: Oh yeah, that guy. He did that whole Squidward Torture Porn countdown video, that was fat, bro. What about his latest video?

BUSTER: He did an _Animated Atrocity _on _The New York Diaries._

SPARKY: WHAT?! Mr. Enter has a lot of street cred on the Internet. Do you know what the hell will happen to our show's reputation with a video like that?! (Sparky pulls Buster by his shirt) DO YOU?!

BUSTER: Calm down, I haven't even seen it myself. Just look it up on YouTube.

(Sparky searches up "New York Diaries Animated Atrocities")

SPARKY: How do you even know about the video?!

BUSTER: I'm subscribed to him, I get updates all the time. Wait a minute. Did you just type that in upper-case letters like some middle-aged white guy?

SPARKY: Yeah. (guitar riff from _Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide_ plays in the background)And I put quotation marks around my search topic so I'll get more specific results. (Sparky winks at the camera and smiles)

(bored) BUSTER: What...what was that you just did?

(gasps) SPARKY: IT'S STARTING!

(Buster runs to the computer while the intro to _Animated Atrocities _plays; for some unknown reason, the Atrocity number is blurred out, and in the description as well)

SPARKY: I don't get it. Mr. Enter puts the number of every Atrocity somewhere, why is it blurred out?

BUSTER: I don't think we're allowed to say.

MR. ENTER: Two words: Wasted potential. There are certain things that I loathe more than anything else when it comes to animation, and wasted potential is very high on that list. A couple months ago, I said that maybe Nickelodeon just needed to improve. You know, get guys in charge who realize how poisonous pandering is and remember that there was a time where Nickelodeon was capable and competent enough to appeal to multiple audiences at once. It seems like _The New York Diaries _was meant to be a response to that. I've seen three episodes so far, and each one shows that there's some sort of effort to make a worthwhile cartoon. Not just create a small fan base, but actually change the network as a whole. It's impossible to think that one cartoon could be capable of this, but it at least had to make the executives wake up and realize they're doing something wrong. But with _The New York Diaries, _that's not the case. An Animated Atrocity goes that extra mile to do something heinous. Whether it's driving characters to suicide ("One Coarse Meal"), having a storyline where a man marries his son ("Fresh Heir"), or destroying the legacy of classic cartoons with an atomic bomb (_Teen Titans Go! _and _Ren & Stimpy's __Adult Party Cartoon_), an Animated Atrocity has to leave you wondering who thought it was a good idea to put that stupid, stupid shit on the air. _The New York Diaries _did this to me.

NINE MINUTES LATER...

(Sparky and Buster look pretty disappointed after watching Mr. Enter's review)

MR. ENTER: I somewhat contradicted myself at the beginning of this review, or at least I didn't make myself clear. _The New York Diaries _is an Atrocity because it can be better than what it is now. Way better. I get that it's the first season and there's always room to improve, but it hurts me deeply when I see a show like this go the predictable route and not even try to go for something different from the norm as far as content is concerned. I don't honestly believe Nickelodeon cares about this show. I don't believe there's aggressive enough quality control on this show. It's just meant to make them look good in comparison to networks that actually know what they're doing (Cartoon Network, The Hub). Even Disney Channel, with as much horrendous content they have there now and have had for months, still manages to put together brilliant cartoons with respectable fan bases (_Phineas and Ferb, __Gravity Falls, Wander Over Yonder_). Guys, just because you finally have an animated series that doesn't look like complete shit on paper, doesn't make us forgive all the garbage you've given us for so long. You have to make sure these shows have substance to go with the presentation. And as it stands now, _The New York Diaries _doesn't have nearly enough substance to stand on its own two feet. It suffers from poor toilet humor, underdeveloped characters, random schizophrenic plots, and a severe self-congratulating mindset. You may think you're funny, but you're really not. Like I said before, I've seen three episodes at this point, and I think I've laughed about twice. Nickelodeon, you haven't changed yet. John Enter, that's a wrap.

(In the end credits, Mr. Enter says that this was his most requested video yet, breaking the record previously set by _SpongeBob SquarePants' _"SpongeBob, You're Fired!")

SPARKY: So now what do we do? We have a show that isn't even ours anymore and a contract we were forced into by abusive executive sociopaths.

BUSTER: Well, we could always create decoys, make it seem like we've offed ourselves, and move to the other side of the Earth.

SPARKY: Nah, too messy. We should take action and stand up to those punks at Nick.

BUSTER: Dammit, I wanted to see the motherland. And didn't we already try doing that? They threatened us.

SPARKY: Well, we have intestinal fortitude. Since when have we let anybody stand in our way?

BUSTER: Honestly, I can't remember. You're right, Sparky. LET'S DO IT!

SPARKY: YEAH!

(The door bell rings and Sparky goes to get it. It's a black kid with a pizza box.)

SPARKY: What the...

KID: Hi, my name is Mookie. You guys want some pizza?

(Sparky closes the door and locks it)

SPARKY: The hell?

BUSTER: What happened?

SPARKY: I honestly don't know.

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

(Sparky and Buster are walking together as they get disgusted stares from the students.)

SPARKY: Buster, have you noticed anything strange this morning?

BUSTER: Well, I tried calling Diana four times and she never picked up. I hope she isn't starting to think I'm gay or something.

SPARKY: No, not that. Everyone is looking at us all funny.

BUSTER: Well, my fly's up, I don't know about yours. Maybe that's why.

(Sparky angrily stares at Buster when they both run into an angry RK, Wade, and Jaylynn)

RK: What up, Mr. and Mister Hollywood?

WADE: You just said the same word twice.

RK: You bet your ass I did.

SPARKY: Hey guys. Do you know why everybody's looking at us like we killed somebody?

JAYLYNN: Haven't you two heard? You have a really bad rep now.

BUSTER: We kissed one time in first grade, IT WAS AN EXPERIMENT!

JAYLYNN: No, not that. And gross.

RK: What else happened during the experiment?

SPARKY: What's this "really bad rep" you speak of?

JAYLYNN: Ever since you guys have had your show on the air, you've started to change. Nobody sees you anymore, we don't hang out like we used to. We really miss you guys and it feels like you don't care about anything but the show.

BUSTER: How is that our fault? We're trapped in an ironclad contract by jerks who are going to kill our careers if we don't do what they tell us to.

SPARKY: Yeah, we miss you guys too but it hasn't even been that long.

WADE: It's been almost two months since it was just the five of us.

BUSTER: Well, maybe you guys are too needy. Ever thought about that?

SPARKY: Look, guys, we appreciate the concern but we don't have a choice. We have to go to Burbank to work on the show, we have to go to New York City to meet with Cyma, we travel the country and the world doing promotional interviews and press conferences. This is one of the hardest things we've ever had to go through just to make a show we're not even creatively involved in.

RK: Oh please, what kind of idiots would take creative control away from the people who came up with the show?

BUSTER: Sony?

SPARKY: Guys...

JAYLYNN: Save it, alright? What's the point of even getting through to you? Come on, guys.

(RK and Wade look back at Sparky and Buster one last time and leave with Jaylynn)

SPARKY: I can't believe this. We just lost our closest friends.

BUSTER: Diana thinks I'm gay!

(Buster starts crying while Sparky looks repulsed, and he carries Buster to class while everybody continues to stare at them)

SCENE 3

Nickelodeon Headquarters

Interior Elevator

New York City, New York

(Sparky and Buster are both in suit and tie, and both look disappointed)

SPARKY: Halley hasn't spoken to me in days. I don't get it. What went wrong?

BUSTER: I don't know. I thought this whole _New York Diaries _thing would be fun but it's not. I'm getting all this hate mail from people I've never even heard of. Last night, some guy called me and told me I'm a bitch who passes it around to every guy I see.

SPARKY: That sounds highly unrelated to you.

BUSTER: Yeah, the police found out it was some guy who thought he was drunk dialing his ex-girlfriend.

SPARKY: Oh.

BUSTER: Yeah.

(The elevator stops and the two best friends walk into Zarghami's room together)

CYMA ZARGHAMI: Well, don't my two guinea pigs look adorable?

SPARKY: You bitch, you ruined our lives!

CYMA ZARGHAMI: Yeah, like I'm the reason you guys are hated by everybody you know. People are jealous, that's what you have to deal with when you enter this business.

BUSTER: We rarely ever get time to ourselves, we don't even write our own material anymore, and we're the butt of every cartoon critic's jokes.

CYMA ZARGHAMI: At least we're still crediting you with the writing and production.

BUSTER: Yeah...which makes it WORSE!

SPARKY: How long do you expect to keep playing this game, Cyma? You were never interested in our show at all. You just wanted something you could put your name on and get respect from those who don't know any better.

CYMA ZARGHAMI: Amazing how you two didn't catch on the first time we had this discussion. In case you're still living in your own little fairytale fantasy world, this is Nickelodeon. We make the shit, and you eat the shit. People won't understand your show. Look at _Korra. _That can't make money. So we did what we had to do and got rid of it. We put kids first, and kids want interchangeable garbage that can easily be replaced. That's what happened to _SpongeBob. _We made sure we got people who understood our style and didn't have much to fight for. Look at the _Breadwinners _guys. They ain't worth a (bleep). But they're cheap and just want to be famous. So, for you two punks, we don't care what you want to change. You won't fit in. Every now and then, we'll give something new a chance so we can stick up the finger to the hipsters who think we ain't shit. But as long as WE'RE in charge, Nickelodeon will stay on top, make money, and that's all there is to it. Now get your beauty sleep tonight. We're having a press conference at Radio City Music Hall and I don't want anyone thinking you're not being cared for.

(Sparky is about to cry but he manages to keep his composure as he walks out the room. But in the hall, he loses it. He viciously rips off his tie, throws off his suit jacket, and collapses on the wall while breaking down.)

BUSTER: Sparky, calm down, man, it's going to be OK. (Buster begins to hug Sparky) It's going to be OK.

SPARKY: NO, IT'S NOT! YOU HEARD WHAT SHE SAID, WE'RE NOTHING MORE THAN A JOKE HERE! WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN A DAMN JOKE! WE'RE WORTHLESS PUPPETS, SIDESHOW ATTRACTIONS THEY'LL THROW AWAY WHEN THEY'RE DONE! WE LOST OUR FRIENDS, WE CAN'T BEAT THESE FREAKING EXECUTIVES, IT'S HOPELESS! IT WILL **NEVER **BE OK, **WE FAILED! **(BLEEP) CYMA, (BLEEP) RUSS, (BLEEP) SARAH, (BLEEP) THIS WHOLE DAMN COMPANY! **I HATE NICKELODEON!**

(Buster is also close to crying)

BUSTER: We don't know that for sure...we can't give up. We have to fight.

SPARKY: How can we?! We're slaves!

BUSTER: NO! We're NOT puppets, we're NOT sideshow attractions, and we're NOT slaves. When have we ever let anybody stand in our way before? Every obstacle we've faced for so many years, we've conquered. And we're not going to let these suits take away ANYTHING from us.

SPARKY: I feel like we can't win.

BUSTER: We WILL win. Please don't give up, Sparky...when you give up, you freaking scare me.

(The camera zooms out as Buster continues to console a broken Sparky)

("Where Do I Go" by Sebastian Mego playing in the background)

Sparky and Buster are forced to accept their fate as Nickelodeon now has them under their control. The two become more and more tired as they travel for interviews and press conferences and photo shoots and talk show guest spots. RK looks at a picture of him, Sparky, and Buster dressed like The Whispers from the time they parodied the video for "Keep On Lovin' Me." He sighs and has a look of regret on his face. Sparky and Buster walk past a bunch of female groupies in the hallway as they just want to get to their hotel room and sleep for the night. As they walk, the colors become black and white. Jaylynn is watching TV at her place with Wade and the two keep seeing commercials for _The New York Diaries. _For one particular spot, Sparky and Buster themselves are interviewed, which is a rarity for television in general. Wade looks a little confused and then suspicious, as he closely listens to what the two are saying.

WADE: Hey Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Yeah?

WADE: Why do I feel like what Sparky and Buster were saying the other day wasn't hyperbole?

JAYLYNN: Who knows? Maybe they...you're thinking what I'M thinking?

WADE: Yup.

That same night, Sparky looks at a picture of him and Halley hugging and smiling on his bed at a hotel he and Buster are staying at. Buster tries to call Diana again, but she doesn't pick up.

BUSTER: Crap, the fifth time this week alone.

Sparky looks tired and depressed, and goes to sleep. Buster, seeing how out of it Sparky is, turns off the lights and goes to sleep as well.

SCENE 4

The MacDougal Household

Exterior Frontyard

Seattle, Washington

(RK is making his way to Sparky's house and opens the door, but all he sees is Bitch Clock watching TV and drinking a bottle of Olde English 800)

BITCH CLOCK: Sparky's still touring around the world for his show. Malt liquor?

RK: No thanks, I don't drink.

BITCH CLOCK: Oh, so you're one of those pussies who chugs down Alize, aren't you?

RK: Dude, please remember I'm (bleep) nine. You know, I miss Sparky. AND Buster. I wish they didn't have to work on that dumb show all the time.

BITCH CLOCK: Isn't that YOUR fault? I mean, you, Wade, and Jaylynn kinda made the problem worse by not hearing them out.

RK: No, I'm not accepting full responsibility for that. If there's one thing my dad taught me, it's that there's always a way around things. In this case, I take 33.3% of the blame.

BITCH CLOCK: I'm about half-drunk right now and even I know you're just talking out your ass when you say that.

RK: Screw you. (Heading out the front door and away from Sparky's property) Stupid alcoholic alarm clock trying to give me a lecture. Breaking the laws of physics by talking and whatnot.

SCENE 5

The Newman Condominium

Exterior Back Area

Seattle, Washington

(RK is seeking "advice" from the Talking Dumpster.)

RK: So, Sparky and Buster mean the world to me and I love them like brothers. I don't know, maybe I should take more responsibility than I thought at first. Do you think I drove them away?

TALKING DUMPSTER: Look, Sparky and Buster are clearly stressed out from having to deal with the show and don't have time to deal with a babysitter. Maybe you should give them a chance to be them. Get some exercise, eat some fresh fruit...

RK: You don't make any (bleep)ing sense. Why do you always give us advice that never relates to the actual problem?

TALKING DUMPSTER: Because most of the time, I'm very, very high.

(Wade and Jaylynn rush to the scene)

WADE: RK, RK, we have hit upon some groundbreaking discoveries that will have major ramifications as it pertains to Sparky and Buster's show.

RK: OK, I'm getting your shucking and jiving so far.

JAYLYNN: You know how Sparky and Buster were telling us how they no longer have creative control on _The New York Diaries_?

RK: I think so, yeah.

WADE: Well, check this out.

(Wade hands RK a Gmail letter)

WADE: After checking out an ad spot last night for the show featuring the guys, I tried getting in contact with some of the program's adult staff members. I successfully gained correspondence with Thomas W. Lynch and this is what he had to say.

JAYLYNN: Apparently, this Zarghami chick is just using Sparky and Buster in a cheap way to give Nickelodeon respect again. And they have to do everything they're told or there's going to be serious trouble.

RK: So...Nickelodeon is just treating our best friends like crack-addicted prostitutes?

WADE: I'm afraid so.

JAYLYNN: And get this: Sparky and Buster are still being credited but they have no say in the writing or production or anything anymore. It's all the executives. Thomas said he was planning to leave, but the paycheck is sick, so...you know.

RK: Well, it's up to us. We have to go to New York City, take out the executives and save _The New York Diaries _for the guys.

WADE: How are three small children supposed to overthrow a multimillion-dollar television juggernaut like Nickelodeon?

RK: Hey, stranger things have happened in the past. Remember the time I saved the Super Bowl?

WADE: You didn't save it. The Seahawks won, that was excellent for this city.

RK: What are you talking about? The Broncos paid off the Seahawks to throw the game so they could win the Vince Lombardi Trophy as part of their evil plot.

JAYLYNN: If anything, it felt like the other way around.

RK: OK, apparently we're supposed to forget what I did and just act like it was a big fat dream. Matter of fact, how come no one ever brings up the fact that I prevented a crappy Super Bowl this year?

WADE AND JAYLYNN: BECAUSE IT NEVER HAPPENED!

RK: Don't give me that crap, I know what I did!

SCENE 6

Nickelodeon Headquarters

Interior Office of Creative Development

New York City, New York

(Sparky and Buster are the only ones in the room, looking at mail sent to them by fans and critics. Their hair is messed up and they have on no suit jacket, with the sleeves on their button down shirts rolled up.)

SPARKY: Hey, look at this. Another hate letter.

BUSTER: What's it say?

SPARKY: "You guys are the absolute worst. This is the most pathetic cartoon I've seen since _Mega Babies._"

BUSTER: Ouch. You know, it sucks how we're taking the heat for something we have nothing to do with. I feel like Seth MacFarlane or something.

SPARKY: Well, there's nothing WE can do. Remember? We gave up a long time ago.

BUSTER: Actually, after you gave up, I was still fighting. Then Big Time Rush threatened to kill me if I didn't fall in line. Hey, look, a fan letter!

SPARKY: What's it say?!

BUSTER: "Dear Sparky & Buster, my name is Jennifer from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. You guys are so cute, I would just love to lock you in my house and turn off the lights and..." What the hell is wrong with these people?!

SPARKY: What's the rest of it say?

BUSTER: Look, the next time we're in Pittsburgh, just remind me to look for Jennifer so I can report her to the authorities.

(Meanwhile, RK, Wade, and Jaylynn are in front of Nickelodeon HQ dressed like they were when they attempted to pull off the heist with Uncle Carmine and KG. Well, Wade and Jaylynn anyway. RK is dressed like Das EFX's Skoob from the music video for "They Want EFX," complete with a bandage on the right side of his eye.)

WADE: Alright, now all we have to do is think of a way to infiltrate headquarters and incinerate that blasted contract for good.

JAYLYNN: RK, don't you ever question if your disguises have any basis in reality?

RK: At least I look like the average man. You clearly look like you're trying to rob somebody or kill a poor civilian or forcibly take money from the bank to decrease the pitch of your annoying-ass voice.

WADE: Will you two stop it with the bickering? We have to find a way to break in without calling attention to ourselves.

JAYLYNN: Well, I think RK is doing a wonderful job with the opposite.

RK: Why don't you look at yourself, future cover girl of _Fugitives Magazine_?

JAYLYNN: I bet that magazine isn't even real.

(At this point, Wade sighs heavily and just walks into Nick HQ)

RK: It's not, that's the joke, dipshit.

JAYLYNN: You're always full of shit, RK.

RK: At least I'm not bitter because I don't have the guts to tell my dream girl how I feel about her. Isn't that right, Wade? Wade?

JAYLYNN: Where'd he go?

RK: To get some live EFX?

(Jaylynn sucks her teeth while "They Want EFX" plays in the background for a bit. RK does a series of complicated flips and ends up bumping into Jaylynn, which leads to them bumping into Wade and the three of them flying through the air. It ends with them falling through a hole in the floor.)

RK: Ugh, waffles.

WADE: You bastards, that was obviously intentional.

JAYLYNN: This is totally weaksauce. We fell through a hole that's placed here for no damn reason and we're no closer to saving Sparky and Buster.

RK: Calm down, Raven, I'm sure there's a reason this hole was here.

JAYLYNN: I thought you were the crazy one, not the stupid one. Why would there be a big, gaping hole in the hallway for no apparent reason?

WADE: Actually, that's the dead hallway. No one really goes in this area. In fact, I think there were caution signs everywhere. In fact, according to this description...on my iPhone (Wade chuckles while RK and Jaylynn groan), the chances of anyone ending up in the dead hallway at all are 500-1. So, through sheer luck and insane troll logic, we somehow fell through this hole.

RK: Talk about convenience.

WADE: And I probably should've pointed this out from the jump, but did anyone notice the circular shaped door we're standing in front of?

JAYLYNN: I'm scared to see what's there. RK, why don't you open it?

RK: I thought you weren't scared of anything or anybody.

JAYLYNN: Dude, I may act like that every now and again, but deep down inside, I'm a little bitch! What if the ghost of that psychotic singing hot tub is behind there, rising up from the depths of Hell?! It wants to finish me off for good!

RK: Spaz, what you just said raises a bunch of questions that I don't really think I have the answers to.

(Wade turns the door handle counterclockwise and it opens)

WADE: There. There are no depths of Hell, and there's no (bleep) hot tub ghost trying to kill you.

JAYLYNN: Phew. I was SO scared. And I still am. I don't want to do this anymore!

(RK slaps Jaylynn in the face with his hat three times after taking it off; long pause)

JAYLYNN: OK, I'm good.

(The three venture inside the tunnel, which has a red carpet. Wade opens another door counterclockwise, and when the three go through THAT door, they step inside a dungeon with all kinds of weaponry and firearms)

RK: This is like _Mister Rogers' Neighborhood _on crack or something.

WADE: What's the meaning of this place?

(The three see two guys drinking orange soda and watching _Clarissa Explains It All_)

WILL MCROBB: And so that's when I told Pete, OK, "You have to do the movie, you just have to." And when he didn't, I gave him a snow day right in the jaw. (Will starts cackling)

CHRIS VISCARDI: You tell that story so many times and yet, so well each time.

RK: Excuse me, who are YOU guys?

(McRobb and Viscardi turn around, scared that someone has found the dungeon)

WILL MCROBB: Who are WE? Who are YOU and how did you find this dungeon?

CHRIS VISCARDI: Yeah, only people who got thrown down here are allowed access.

RK: Will McRobb?!

WADE: Chris Viscardi?!

RK AND WADE: The _Pete & Pete _guys?!

(long pause; Jaylynn has a blank stare while RK and Wade remain shocked)

JAYLYNN: I'm so in the dark when it comes to things like this, I don't...

("Big Time Theme Song" by Big Time Rush playing in the background as RK and Wade can't contain their shock while McRobb and Viscardi look confused. Jaylynn continues to have a blank stare.)

SEGWAY SEGMENT

CLASSIC MUSIC VIDEOS

Artist: Bart Simpson (voiced by Nancy Cartwright)

Song: Do the Bartman

Album: _The Simpsons Sing the Blues_

Year: 1990

Label: Geffen

Michael Jackson, a huge _Simpsons _fan, co-wrote and co-produced "Do the Bartman" with Bryan Loren, but due to copyright issues, he was unable to receive credit. "Do the Bartman" received heavy rotation on MTV and ended up being nominated for a Video Music Award in 1991 (Best Special Effects).

(The video for "Do the Bartman" starts up)

SCENE 7

Nickelodeon Headquarters

Interior Dungeon

New York City, New York

RK: I can't believe I'm standing in front of Will McRobb and Chris Viscardi! You guys are television legends!

CHRIS VISCARDI: Legends? Nah, we just did what we had to do back in the day.

WADE: And bonus points for the refreshing humility. Most people I've met in this business are so dramatic.

JAYLYNN: I don't get it. Why should I know these guys?

RK: Jaylynn, these men were the geniuses behind _The Adventures of Pete & Pete _back in the 1990s.

WADE: Some people say that it was the greatest live-action show in Nickelodeon history.

JAYLYNN: Wait, you guys WORKED for Nickelodeon?

WILL MCROBB: Yeah, and we worked for _Sanjay and Craig _for a couple months before we ended up here.

WADE: You mean, that vile 22-minute abortion littered with cheap gross-out humor?

CHRIS VISCARDI: Right now, I would say it's an OK 22-minute abortion.

RK: Why did you end up here?

WILL MCROBB: Well, we were executive producers on _Sanjay and Craig _and helped with some of the earlier episodes. Like that _Family Double Dare _episode? That was OUR idea. Marc Summers didn't even want to talk about it until we told him that the show wasn't complete crap. I'm telling you, we had to beg. A LOT.

CHRIS VISCARDI: Then Cyma said that we were going soft on the gross-out humor, and when we told her we couldn't make it flow organically in every episode, she banished us here. We could've starved or froze to death with how cold that weapon room was, but we secretly got some tools and hey. If you make _Pete & Pete_, you can make anything.

WILL MCROBB: So how did YOU guys find this place?

JAYLYNN: Sheer coincidence, I'm telling you that for your own benefit.

WADE: We're trying to overthrow the dictatorship better known as the Nickelodeon executive board so we can save our friends and incinerate their ironclad contract.

CHRIS VISCARDI: Wait, the kids doing that _New York Diaries _thing?

RK: Yeah, why?

WILL MCROBB: Give up while you can. You destroy the contract or Sparky and Buster leave, they'll never work in this business again. And by some chance you DO succeed, you either end up here or you're never the same again. Nobody leaves Nickelodeon with their sanity intact under those circumstances. Look at John K.

WADE: He's gross.

JAYLYNN: Is there any way Sparky and Buster can destroy their show on the inside?

(Will and Chris stare at each other, then smile at the guys)

RK: By the look on your faces, I assume you want to destroy US on the inside.

CHRIS VISCARDI: Are you gay?

RK: Bi, in a relationship, on the fast track to becoming pansexual in five years.

WADE: Is there a way for Sparky and Buster to go out without having something bad happen to them in the aftermath?

WILL MCROBB: Definitely.

(Will walks over to the library full of books and grabs one on the table. It's orange with no words on the cover, and covered in dust. Will blows off the dust and everyone coughs.)

WILL MCROBB: I know, too much fake dust.

RK: What's it say?

WILL MCROBB: "If more than one member of the band JONAS is crushing on the same girl, then under no circumstances may any band member ask out said crushee, otherwise destroying the bond that makes them awesome bandmates and brothers."

(Everyone is justifiably confused at what Will just said.)

CHRIS VISCARDI: Dude, I think that's the JONAS Book of Law.

WILL MCROBB: Son of a bitch. I never get those right. Ah, here we go.

(Will grabs the right book this time with no fake dust. This book is also orange, but with green spots.)

WILL MCROBB: They call this book _100 Ways to Kill Bitch-Ass Nickelodeon_.

JAYLYNN: Who wrote it?

WILL MCROBB: I don't know. I think it was Mathew Klickstein. Anyway, just take this book home and you might just stand a chance at saving your friends.

RK: Cool! Thanks, Will McRobb and Chris Viscardi!

CHRIS VISCARDI: You don't have to say the whole thing, you know. This isn't _The Simpsons._

JAYLYNN: Well, we know our mission. Let's go, gang!

WILL MCROBB: Best of luck in your mission!

(long pause after RK, Wade, and Jaylynn leave)

CHRIS VISCARDI: You know, you must be relieved they didn't see your vibrator.

WILL MCROBB: I told you, CHRISTINE left it!

SCENE 8

Loews Regency Hotel

Interior RK and Wade's Room

New York City, New York

(Shots are shown of New York City at night in the style of a 1980s sitcom. The last shot is of the hotel. In RK and Wade's room, a plaque is above the bed that says: "Bless Mr. Maxtone-Graham." Jaylynn is there as well, and all of them are sitting on the bed below the plaque.)

RK: Aren't you guys afraid that Sparky and Buster are here too?

WADE: Negative, RK. I was able to do some digging and found out that Sparky and Buster's hotel of choice is always the Marriott. With this book, we'll disguise our voices and give Sparky and Buster nightly information over the next couple of weeks that will aid them in beating Nickelodeon.

JAYLYNN: Are you sure they won't figure out who it is?

WADE: Of course not. We have a large vocal range, we can do it.

RK: I guess. Should I talk like a sucka from the hood? "Yo, G, I saw that chick, she had the cake, man. Now my homies be drid 'cuz they ain't know about collecting that paper. WU-TANG, NEGROES!"

(Wade looks disgusted and Jaylynn looks confused)

WADE: Don't ever do that again. Ever.

RK: Well, I DID say he was a sucka.

Meanwhile, at the Marriott...

Sparky and Buster are getting ready for bed.

SPARKY: Well, time to crash. We have another awful day ahead of us tomorrow.

BUSTER: Hey, what do you know? Diana sent me a love message on Facebook. "I know we haven't talked to each other for a while, but I love you no matter what and I hope you're OK because that's the only thing that matters. We're going to meet again and when we do, I'm going to spend all my time with you. Sweet dreams lover boy." That's amazing.

SPARKY: I thought she treated you like crap.

BUSTER: Eh, she drifts in and out. But I didn't think she was THIS romantic. I can't even remember the last time she said something like this.

SPARKY: I'm happy for you. I just wish Halley would answer my calls or something.

BUSTER: Don't worry, bro, she'll come around. I know Halley, and she's the kind of girl that...

(Sparky's phone is ringing. His ringtone is "Cruise" by Florida Georgia Line.)

BUSTER: Maybe that's her right now.

SPARKY: No, it's an unknown number.

BUSTER: You should pick it up. You never know who could be calling. Could be a supermodel, a drug addict, a little less threatening drug addict...

(Sparky sighs and answers the phone)

SPARKY: Hello, you don't have that long. I have to hit the hay soon.

(in the voice of Joseph Nichy) WADE: I'm Pete. You don't need to know anything else about who this is. All you need to know is that we know about your little problem and we're prepared to fix it. Your problem with Nickelodeon.

SPARKY: Is this some kind of joke? Because seriously, I've had it with people pranking me by tapping my phone and making it look like they know something they clearly have no idea about.

WADE: Oh, really? Well, we know that you don't write for the show. We also know those nasty executives are taking away your creative power.

(Buster looks intrigued)

SPARKY: Go on.

(in the voice of Adrian Maude) RK: This is Pete's buddy Dennis. I'm a mercenary for hire and I kill at will.

WADE: Dennis, shut the hell up with the role-playing and just tell him what you know.

RK: As far as I'm concerned, Nickelodeon is full of a bunch of money-obsessed, corporate bastards who have no basic understanding of morality. You have to find ways around the system, and that's what we're specialists in.

SPARKY: No offense, but I don't think you know about what this company is actually doing to us.

(in the voice of Billy Haig) JAYLYNN: Oh, don't we?

RK: Damn, your voice is masculine, man!

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I'm a guy, you got blasted in the head with a guitar? Look, Step #1 is actually pretty obvious: Turn in the episodes late. We call it the John K. Method. You miss deadlines, tell the executives you can't come to work because you're too sick to even move an inch. And since the media still believes you guys are behind the operation, you have the right to make alterations to your scripts if you need to. Those people at Nick are participating in illegal business.

BUSTER: But how can we make sure the episodes are late when we're not involved anymore?

JAYLYNN: Do I have to explain everything?

BUSTER: To me, yes.

JAYLYNN: You make sure you're involved no matter what. You annoy the executives and screw up their schedules so they have no time to work on your show. You make changes to scripts at the last minute, you delay production so they have no choice but to take what you already made so it doesn't look like the episodes are rushed and disjointed.

(in the voice of Brian Dropkin) WADE: Exactly. Follow these rules and you'll do better in school.

SPARKY: You do realize this has nothing to do with school, right?

WADE: You know what I mean, it was in my head so I said it! Look, we're going to keep calling you until we see changes in _The New York Diaries. _Having a man on the inside is all it takes to beat the machine.

BUSTER: Wait, what? I missed that witty statement, I was trying to touch my nose with only my tongue.

(Sparky sighs, along with the guys on the phone)

("Set 'Em Straight" by Eric B. & Rakim playing in the background)

Sparky and Buster have decided to follow the tips of their "advisors" and get the show cancelled or adjusted so much in the positive direction the executives will have no choice but to relinquish creative control. The John K. Method appears to work, as the boys routinely destroy finished episodes while making new, improved episodes. Although these episodes are getting better reviews from fans and critics, executives are not pleased with _The New York Diaries_' new non-conforming style. Scenes already finished during animation are messed with if the scripts aren't, forcing them to be redone and sent to Korea to get fixed. With little to no control over anything anymore, the executives start making mistakes like adding voices after finished animation or giving themselves more credit. Russell and Sarah are repeatedly scolded by Cyma while Sparky and Buster start taking more time off and enjoying themselves in New York City.

SCENE 9

Loews Regency Hotel

Interior RK and Wade's Room

New York City, New York

RK: Wade, I've been wondering something for the past couple weeks that I never bothered to say until now.

WADE: Well, what is it?

RK: What's the point of disguising our voices and making Sparky and Buster think we're somebody else?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, Wade. Aren't we just lying to them if we're doing this?

WADE: No. At the time, I still felt bad for our foolish decision and not listening to them the first time. But I just ran with it because...I don't know. It was fun? Maybe I didn't think this through like I usually to. I want to keep it vague. Sparky and Buster will find out the truth one day, just not anytime soon.

RK: Well, it's almost time to call them up. (in the voice of Adrian Maude) But I wonder if we should give them more tips. I mean, not everything there is golden. I'm pretty sure there was something about orange soda affecting how you do in math or some stupid shit.

BUSTER: You know, I really enjoy these advisors. They have been so helpful. A couple of weeks ago, I was depressed. Now I feel like flying out this window and crashing onto the ground below very dramatically. (long pause; Buster thinks about what he just said) Man, that was dark. Are they calling us soon or what? I have to sleep and this face is walking into that office tomorrow without any eye bags. It's a must.

SPARKY: I think so. It's always the same time. 10:28 PM.

("Me and My Broken Heart" by Rixton playing on Sparky's phone)

SPARKY: That's them.

BUSTER: You and your devotion to pop ringtones. That's why Diana and I always go in one direction.

(Sparky gives Buster a bored look for a while and then answers the phone)

SPARKY: Hello. Advisors?

JAYLYNN: I think we SHOULD tell them.

WADE: But...

(Jaylynn angrily stares at Wade)

(in the voice of Brian Dropkin) WADE: (sighs) Fine. It's time to come clean. We're not who you think we are.

SPARKY: What are you talking about?

WADE: We're...

RK: Hey Wade, pedophiles keep tapping my phone and I'm scared shitless, can you fix it for me?

WADE AND JAYLYNN: RK!

RK: What? I thought you told him already. What the hell were you doing for the five minutes I was gone, playing with yourselves?

JAYLYNN: Kinda.

SPARKY: RK?! Wade?! Jaylynn?! YOU'RE the advisors?!

BUSTER: Damn, they're great voice modifiers. They sound like some rock band we're supposed to know.

WADE: Look, Sparky, we found this book at Nickelodeon HQ and...

SPARKY: Wait, you were in New York and you didn't even bother to see us?

WADE: We didn't want to. I mean, we wanted to but we were too scared.

BUSTER: Scared? About what?

JAYLYNN: Is that Buster? HI BUSTER, I LOVE YOU!

BUSTER: I LOVE YOU TOO, JAY!

(Jaylynn giggles, and RK and Wade look disturbed)

JAYLYNN: What? I can't be cynical all the time.

WADE: We wanted to give you this information to help with your show and free you.

RK: Yeah, to make up for not believing you about Nickelodeon.

SPARKY: But you still lied to us. You could've just been honest and helped us as yourselves. Doing this just proves that you still have some sort of problem with us. You don't want us to win, you just want them to lose.

WADE: No, trust me, it's not like that...

SPARKY: Believe me, it is. You don't have to call anymore, we have it under control.

(Sparky hangs up; long pause)

BUSTER: Hey, did you know that the WWE Network is only $9.99?

(Sparky angrily stares at Buster)

BUSTER: I'm sorry, I'm just naturally terrible with conflict.

SCENE 10

Nickelodeon Headquarters

Interior Lobby

New York City, New York

Sparky and Buster aren't even wearing a suit and tie, to further emphasize the chaotic nature of _The New York Diaries _lately.

BUSTER: Sparky, I'm worried Testicular Sound Express is done for good.

SPARKY: No, it's not that bad. I just can't understand why Wade of all people would lie about that. The reasoning doesn't even make sense.

BUSTER: Hey, you know kids. 85% of what we do has no meaning whatsoever.

(Sparky looks at his W.W.A.M.D. bracelet)

SPARKY: What would Alex Mack do?

BUSTER: She would probably talk to her friends, clear things up.

SPARKY: She would, wouldn't she? You know what, why don't we...

(Cyma, Russell, and Sarah appear behind Sparky and Buster)

CYMA: HEY!

(Sparky and Buster turn around)

BUSTER: Oh, hey guys. We have some business to take care of so...

RUSSELL HICKS: No, you don't. You've been making us look like idiots for weeks now and we're going to do something about it.

SPARKY: What are you gonna do? Fire us?

CYMA ZARGHAMI: No, we're going to kill you. (Cyma holds up a gun and points it at Buster)

BUSTER: Is that shit real?!

SARAH LEVY: What do you think, retard?

SPARKY: Are you nuts?! You're going to kill two little kids?!

CYMA ZARGHAMI: You guys obviously hold the power now and we can't get it back. If we fire you, you're going to walk away with the victory. You CAN'T win. CYMA ZARGHAMI ALWAYS (BLEEP) WINS! So we're going to shoot you and nobody will know a damn thing!

(bored) BUSTER: You're going to murder two fourth-grade boys in a public area where gunshots and screaming are guaranteed to be heard?

SARAH LEVY: Nope, it's a silencer gun.

SPARKY: Wait, really?

SARAH LEVY: Nope, we're going to take you to the dungeon and do it.

BUSTER: We don't have a dungeon, you creep.

(Next thing you know, the five are in the dungeon. McRobb and Viscardi aren't seen because they're in the room with all the weapons.)

BUSTER: Oh, so we do have a dungeon.

CYMA ZARGHAMI: OK, who's up to bat leadoff?

BUSTER: Sparky, do you think we should flip a coin? I mean, I don't want to put you in this situation voluntarily, I think we should be fair about this.

SPARKY: Don't worry, Buster. No one's dying today. You guys are insane if you think you can get away with this.

RUSSELL HICKS: Yeah, we can. Nobody even knows about this place.

SARAH LEVY: So your bodies can rot here with the Nick Studio 10 kids.

(Sparky and Buster look towards the corner and see a bunch of skeletons covered in cobwebs)

SPARKY: Oh, so that's what happened to those annoying kids.

CYMA ZARGHAMI: Yeah, even WE knew they were pandering too much. Not even the rats hump the bones.

BUSTER: That's cold, bro.

SCENE 11

Meanwhile, at the Regency Hotel...

(Wade, RK, and Jaylynn are packing their things. Wade is wearing a gold African medallion and a T-shirt that says, "My Fork Hates Pork.")

RK: Wade, do you really think it's a good idea to start packing? I mean, Sparky and Buster might need our help.

WADE: Dude, they despise us now because of our deception. The only thing we can do now is go away and hope things cool down.

RK: But what if they're in big trouble right now?!

JAYLYNN: Then they can handle it themselves.

RK: But...we're booked here one more night, you might lose a lot of money!

(Wade gives RK a blank stare when "Young, Gifted, and Black" by Big Daddy Kane plays as his ringtone.)

WADE: Hey, it's Viscardi.

RK: Since when did you two have each other as contacts?

WADE: I might have went into the dungeon the other day.

(Wade picks up the phone)

WADE: Saltalamacchia the Asiatic speaking.

JAYLYNN: Ewwww.

WADE: Wait, what?! Chris, don't play with me like that! OK, we're coming RIGHT NOW!

(Wade hangs up in a frenzy and his hands are shaking)

RK: Is this about what I think it is?

WADE: Will and Chris were hearing shouting in the weapon room and they snuck a peek. Apparently, Cyma Zarghami, Russell Hicks, and Sarah Levy are holding Sparky and Buster at gunpoint.

JAYLYNN: WHAT?! YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!

WADE: YEAH, WE HAVE TO GO NOW!

SCENE 12

Nickelodeon Headquarters

Interior Dungeon

New York City, New York

(Russell is now holding the boys at gunpoint.)

RUSSELL HICKS: Will you guys please stop stalling? You're getting your brains blown out on the (bleep) floor, understand?!

BUSTER: Yeah, about that, Rush, I think there's something you should know.

RUSSELL HICKS: What?

BUSTER: Your shoe's untied.

RUSSELL HICKS: Wait, seriously?

("Invincible" by Adelitas Way playing in the background)

(Buster dropkicks Hicks and takes the gun. Sparky grabs a rope in that moment of table turning and starts choking Cyma. Sarah tries to intervene but Buster starts pistol-whipping her in the face. Russell scurries over to the shelf to get a butcher knife but Buster dodges the attempt to stab him. Instead, Buster shoots him in the leg which forces him to drop his knife, runs up behind him and gives him a Backstabber. Sparky gets the gun from Buster after getting it tossed to him and shoots Sarah twice in the chest and once in the head. Cyma kicks Sparky in the nuts and threatens to shoot him but Buster gives her a Zig Zag. Or at least he tries to. He sets her up for it but she turns it into a powerslam. She then throws the gun to the side and locks Buster in the camel clutch. Sparky tries to stop it but he falls back to the ground in pain.)

RUSSELL HICKS: Cyma? Cyma! I could help you with the...the thing.

(Russell collapses)

CYMA ZARGHAMI: You took out both my guys, so it's time to take YOU out. Now, who's up to bat leadoff?

(At that moment, RK, Wade, and Jaylynn come barreling down the steps and dive onto Cyma. Jaylynn grabs an iron stick and whacks Cyma in the head with it while jumping in the air. RK and Wade do a tag-team move where RK holds Cyma's legs and catapults her into a mysterious blinding white powder tossed by Wade while he jumps in the air.)

RK: Why do we keep jumping like that?

JAYLYNN: Because it's cooler that way.

RK: Oh.

CYMA ZARGHAMI: MY EYES, MY EYES!

(At this point, Will and Chris run out of the dungeon and salute Wade, RK, and Jaylynn, who all salute back. Sparky rises back up and takes Cyma down with a bunch of Daniel Bryan-style kicks to the head and chest. For some reason, Cyma is on her knees but doesn't lay flat on her back until Buster rushes the scene with a Busaiku Knee Kick.)

SPARKY: Guys, you...you saved our lives.

WADE: Look, man, I lied to you and I'm deeply sorry. I'm also sorry that I didn't listen to you, and so are they. (pointing to a smiling RK and Jaylynn) I think we can all agree that there were some big misunderstandings and we obviously learned something so why don't we just go?

BUSTER: We can't go! We're still under contract! And trust me, if you know what I know, we can't be pushing this shit another week.

SPARKY: Well then, there's still one more thing we have to do.

SCENE 13

Nickelodeon Headquarters

Interior Ms. Zarghami's Office

New York City, New York

(Sparky holds up a copy of the _New York Diaries_ contract)

SPARKY: There are four copies of this contract. We burn this, it's over. Everything's over and we get back to our normal lives.

RK: Oh, that's good because lately, we've been missing a LOT of school with our antics.

JAYLYNN: I'm so proud of you guys that you were able to fight the power and beat the crooked corporate system. I don't know if I've ever told anyone this, and it's weird to hear me say this but...you guys are my role models and I have a lot of respect for you two.

SPARKY: Awww, lay it on me, old chum.

(Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn hug each other)

RK: Wade, I love you, man!

(RK squeezes Wade)

WADE: But RK, I didn't do anything.

RK: Please don't (bleep) up the moment.

(Cyma comes in, beaten and disheveled. Sparky is about to burn the contract with the match.)

CYMA ZARGHAMI: Please don't do it! I beg you, please don't! I have nothing! Me and my executives are just slaves to Viacom and we've been corrupted for years. I'll give you 100% creative control! We'll stay out of everything, just don't leave!

SPARKY: You don't get it, do you? The minute you realize your walls are collapsing around you is the minute you realize you're wrong. And if you're not realizing it, you're admitting it. Personally, I don't want to work for a bunch of spineless jellyfish like you and the rest of these executives. You guys never change. You're just going to continue on the same path you've been going down for years and you won't stop until someone finally breaks through your thick skulls. (Sparky burns one of the four copies, and keeps going)

CYMA ZARGHAMI: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME! RUSSELL, SARAH, MY BEST FRIENDS ARE GONE!

RK: I don't really see why we have to pity you. You were about to kill our best friends, (bleep) you.

BUSTER: It didn't have to be this way but you brought it on yourself. We were originally going to kill you, but you don't deserve the satisfaction of dying with what you did so you can live with that for years and years until you finally apologize in Hell.

(Sparky burns the last copy and then the original)

SPARKY: _The New York Diaries _is dead, you can make up another fake-ass story. By the way, you have a press conference tomorrow so make sure you get some shut eye tonight.

BUSTER: Yeah, you don't want anybody thinking you're not being taken care of. (snickering) Idiot.

(Sparky and Buster lead the way by leaving, while RK, Wade, and Jaylynn follow. Jaylynn actually does one last thing by spitting in Cyma's crying face and roundhouse kicking her.)

JAYLYNN: Weaksauce mother(bleep)er.

(Jaylynn spray paints a red X on the wall, puts up the middle finger and leaves.)

SCENE 14

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Testicular Sound Express is watching TV, bored.)

BUSTER: Guys, I still feel like there are some loose ends to tie up.

WADE: What loose ends?

SPARKY: We murdered two people and assaulted the president of Nickelodeon.

BUSTER: Exactly. Aren't we going to go to jail?

SPARKY: Nope, because we're out of time.

(long pause)

RK: Buster, did you literally just come to that possibility after everything we went through and the plane ride home?

BUSTER: Yes.

("California Love" by 2Pac featuring Dr. Dre and Roger Troutman playing in the end credits)

©2014 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS


	2. Slice of Fantastica (Part II) B-Pass

PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES _(written on 8/9/14)_

-After reading this, you might think that everything I wrote has some deeper meaning to it. Like, I hate Nickelodeon as much as Sparky and Buster do. The truth is, I don't. I really don't. I still watch their shows. Well, mostly _SpongeBob _and their live-action shows but I definitely don't hate Nickelodeon as much as "Slice of Fantastica" lets on. That's the beauty of being a satirist. You can pretty much exaggerate your true feelings for comedy in an effort to make your point clear. I do believe that Nickelodeon needs improvement. As it stands now, they're in last place when it comes to kids animation (Cartoon Network is definitely #1, while you could put Disney Channel and The Hub in #2 or #3, doesn't matter). I think there needs to be a complete overhaul so they can be respectable again. I have a ten-point plan.

1. Remove all of the self-destructive executives and hire new ones that recognize what made Nickelodeon famous in the first place

2. Focus on several audiences at once, instead of blatantly pandering to an audience that's sometimes tired of it ITSELF (comedy).

3. Hire new employees that can bring back the urban feeling Nickelodeon had in the 1990s with its advertising. Take this for example. A DJ is at a party scratching records and everybody is going nuts. He finds a weird orange record in the crate, which turns out to be a mash-up of theme songs from current Nickelodeon shows. That's an example of a bumper Nick should do. It promotes the new generation of shows while also representing a sense of nostalgia.

4. Bring back old Nickelodeon employees that are willing to create new programming or mentor the young creators (Ken Lipman, Thomas W. Lynch, Kim Bass, Mitchell Kriegman, Brian Robbins).

5. Remember to find young, ambitious, hungry, devoted writers/animators/producers that want to break the rules and do something that's not being done. This was what golden-age Nickelodeon represented. Its appeal was in finding what you couldn't find anywhere else.

7. Bring back SNICK. You HAVE to do this. Reintroduce it to a younger audience, invite celebrities to guest host every once in a while with Nickelodeon stars, introduce a series of contests like...you know.

8. Create live-action shows and cartoons with widespread appeal to multiple audiences. Change the attitude in the business, make everything a friendly competition. If one show is doing something, then the other show should do something different. You have your comedies, you have your dramas, you have your action shows, you have your game shows, you have your mystery/adventure shows.

9. Create an animation-only block on Friday nights, similar to ABC's TGIF. Like I said before, you have to enhance the experience for the viewer and make everything feel interactive. On one night, Tom Kenny from _SpongeBob _could host the block and he could take live calls from viewers answering questions and whatnot.

10. Examples of shows they could do that represent a renaissance for Nickelodeon: _Halley's Hints _(a modern-day _Clarissa Explains It All, _only this girl is unsure about her sexual orientation), _The Gary & Steven Show _(a sketch comedy series with pop-culture references, or a show about two teenage boys going through life in New York), _Mr. Fox _(A cartoon about an anthropomorphic adult male fox that lives a relatively normal life in Minneapolis, except for the fact that he deals with strange occurrences every week. Every now and again, the cartoon subtly tackles serious issues, or uses metaphors to get the issue past the censors. Examples include huge ones like police brutality, racial profiling, alcoholism, misandry, double standards, and the drug trade. Or tamer ones like cyberbullying, honesty, stealing, standing up for yourself, and self-reliance.) Give Scott Fellows at least two more live-action shows. That man has a pretty good track record (forget _Johnny Test_).

Yes, this can actually be done. But people just have to make these ideas work and not be afraid to break away from the mold. It's what made Nickelodeon the global phenomenon it is today, and it's what the network probably chose to forget about.

-Originally, the episode set for October 19 was "Girls at Work." It was basically a female version of _Thank You, Heavenly, _and a Jaylynn-centric story. The boys are leaving town to go to the annual Rap-Rock Festivaloozaesta in San Diego for the weekend. They had planned it for months, leaving Jaylynn out due to her antisocial behavior and lack of desire to do anything with other people. To prove them wrong, she plans a girls' night out with the Masters of the Universe. However, only Halley is available for certain reasons: Gilcania is sick, Ashley has to stay in and work on some extra credit assignments for school, and Asil just has no interest in doing anything with anybody at the moment. So Halley and Jaylynn decide to hang out with Buster, RK, and Wade's girlfriends: Diana, Anna, and Adriana. KG also joins in as the token male, wanting to get in on the fun. It's all about the six getting into a bunch of crazy shenanigans, including helping a crackhead lose his virginity and destroying everything in their path. Also, Divide the Day guest stars for the first time in the history of the show, playing at the Rap-Rock Festivaloozaesta. Now that I think about it, "Girls at Work" is definitely something I can sink my teeth into, more so than "Yellow Rights." Plus, it gives the girls a great amount of screen time and KG joins in. I'll be looking into writing "Girls at Work" at a later time, and I can almost guarantee it will be part of the third season. Of course, after "The Life and Times of Diana Katanova," the episode will have to change accordingly.

-Since "Girls at Work" was supposed to have Divide the Day, I decided to include them in this episode. When you have guest stars, I think it's a good thing to have them factor into the plot and do something creative with them. The episode shouldn't be focused on the stars themselves. It should be about the stars coming into the show's world and cooperating. Take the episode of _The Simpsons _called "Stark Raving Dad." Homer is put in a mental ward just for wearing a pink shirt to work, and ends up sharing a room with a guy named John Jay Smith (voiced by Michael Jackson). Apparently, Smith is in there because he firmly believes he's Jackson himself. When you have guest stars, this is the kind of thing you should strive for. Of course, _The Simpsons _has also proven what you shouldn't do with guest stars ("Lisa Goes Gaga").

-I think Part II is definitely better than Part I. I didn't want it to turn into another RK/Wade/Jaylynn story so I decided to put all five of them in the mix. It's been a while since they all interacted at once for an extended amount of time. I actually started writing the episode six days ago and finished last night. I actually could have finished it in three days if I worked hard enough.

-I was originally going to have the opening sequence be a parody of _The New York Diaries_' opening sequence, but for Satan's Stories, I have a complete brand spanking new sequence lined up so it wasn't necessary.

-The _Blossom_/_Kenan and Kel _parody cold open was just a way to be humorous and catch viewers up to speed on what happened the week before.

-Sparky referenced the same song that played in the end credits, "California Love." Dr. Dre produced the song and sampled Joe Cocker's "Woman to Woman" for the bassline. This was the same sample EPMD used for "Knick Knack Patty Wack." I personally think Dre did a better job with "Woman to Woman" than EPMD. Listen to both songs and you'll see why. Other samples in "California Love" include "West Coast Poplock" by Ronnie Hudson and the Street People (which Roger Troutman helped write) and "Dance Floor" by Zapp (the group that Roger was frontman of).

-Sparky was referencing _Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide _with his tip about computer searches.

-I've been watching a lot of Mr. Enter's videos this summer so I've definitely gotten a feel for his style. He's actually pretty soft-spoken in real-life and laidback about a lot of things. It's in his videos where he's abrasive and annoyed because of his passion for animation and how people should treat it with great care and grace. When you do this, you get something that's popular and respected like _Courage the Cowardly Dog _or the first three seasons of _SpongeBob SquarePants. _When you don't take animation seriously, you end up with garbage like _The Groovenians _or _Allen Gregory._

-Mookie's going to start appearing more often as a throwaway gag. I just came up with it one day months ago thinking it would be funny to include. For the most part, he's going to be interacting with Sparky.

-Buster referenced the situation with _The Boondocks _that led to Aaron McGruder's firing. According to Michael B. Jordan, McGruder was actually involved creatively with the fourth season before Sony let him go for production delays. The script for "Freedom Ride or Die" was completed by January of last year, more than a year before the fourth season premiere.

-I always have a problem writing emotional scenes because they get to me too. So yeah, it was pretty difficult to write the part where Sparky breaks down and Buster comforts him.

-RK looking at a picture of himself with Sparky and Buster is a reference to a cutaway in "Too Many Margheritas" where the three parody the music video for "Keep On Lovin' Me" by The Whispers.

-I'm not exactly sure why I ever put a character like The Talking Dumpster on the show. It made more sense in the first season when I was still trying to get the whole thing going and episodes were more random. He's not exactly supposed to do anything but be funny and contribute nothing to what's going on around him. Originally, I was going to end the scene with RK shooting The Talking Dumpster to death so no one would have to deal with him, but I had no idea how to mine comedy out of it so I just went for the "Super Bowl Cum-Day II" meta-joke.

-After watching/discovering episodes of _American Dad _where they can get away with a psychotic anthropomorphic hot tub killing Stan, Francine, and Principal Lewis ("Hot Water"), a Seven-Year War between Jesus and the Anti-Christ where Stan dies and gets sent to his own personal version of Heaven ("Rapture's Delight"), and a full-on parody of indie films ("Independent Movie"), I realized that not every episode of _Thank You, Heavenly _has to be related to the show's canon. That was part of the reason why I wanted to do Satan's Stories, so I could just write batshit insane episodes and not worry about whether it would affect the show's continuity or not. I still don't know if "Super Bowl Cum-Day III" is happening next winter. All I know is that if it does, it will most likely center around RK and it will be non-canon. If it doesn't happen, I actually have this cool RK-centric episode planned called "Illegal Business." It's an adaptation of the Boogie Down Productions song of the same name. RK is hired by the police department to help put a stop to the growing drug trade in Seattle. However, he finds out that he's just being used so the police can profit off of the drug money themselves.

-If you're wondering about that letter written to Sparky and Buster, it was implied that Jennifer wanted to rape them. Before you start flipping out, the letter was cut off at that point for a reason, to imply the rest without actually saying it. Buster's disgusted reaction was meant to be found funny, not the rape itself.

-Wade referenced that physical comedy bit on television shows where characters bump into each other and somehow wind up in some weird place based off just that.

-Jaylynn referenced "Hot Water" when talking about the psychotic singing hot tub. However, in the episode itself, the hot tub never died.

-Will McRobb giving Pete a snow day in the jaw is a reference to the 2000 movie _Snow Day _co-written with Chris Viscardi. It was originally intended to be a TV movie based off of _The Adventures of Pete & Pete_, but these plans were aborted and _Snow Day _became a standalone movie.

-McRobb and Viscardi actually are a part of _Sanjay and Craig. _In fact, they were hired specifically to give the show a more nostalgic feel.

-The JONAS Book of Law is a reference to the season one _JONAS _episode "Slice of Life." When the brothers are all attracted to Maria, the pizza delivery girl, Kevin reads from the book after Nick says that no one can go after her.

-Mathew Klickstein wrote the book _Slimed, _an oral history book about the golden age of Nickelodeon. It also criticizes the network's current state.

-Chris telling RK he doesn't have to act like it's _The Simpsons _and say the whole name is poking fun at the fact that _The Simpsons _has always had a habit of drawing attention to their guest stars. In fact, the show itself lampshades this in "Barting Over" when Bart repeatedly mentions Tony Hawk's name and when Milhouse asks him if he's friends with Tony Hawk, Bart says he's trying to keep things quiet.

-The plaque "Bless Mr. Maxtone-Graham" is a reference to the fact that Ian Maxtone-Graham wrote the season nine premiere of _The Simpsons, _"The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson." It is now seen as one of the show's best episodes.

-The John K. Method is a joke about John Kricfalusi, the creator of _The Ren and Stimpy Show. _John K. was fired by Nickelodeon for repeatedly missing deadlines and trying to put in objectionable content. In fact, a majority of _Ren and Stimpy's Adult Party Cartoon _was rejected material from the original show. Don't ever watch "Ren Seeks Help." That shit's pure Satanist.

-If you want to know about _Nick Studio 10 _is...don't. It was a dark and evil show. I still have nightmares thinking about it.

-Buster referenced "The Life and Times of Diana Katanova," knowing it's just a week away. One major problem I'm going to have with this episode is making Buster a serious character. He's flat-out admitted he can't handle conflict, so I have to change that and give him a serious, life-threatening challenge. I want to keep Buster's personality intact while also making sure he recognizes the dangerous situation around him.

-RK lampshaded the fact that the kids have missed an inordinate amount of time in school with their antics. Not just in this season, but in previous seasons as well. If you're going to ask me why they're still in the fourth grade at the end of the season, I have an ace in the hole when it comes to that. ;)

-The original ending of this episode didn't involve RK, Wade, and Jaylynn. In fact, the three weren't even going to factor into the story at first. Then I changed it so that they would try to save Sparky and Buster but get trapped and fail. Then I changed it again to what it is now. In the original ending, Sparky and Buster burn down Nickelodeon Animation Studios with Cyma, Russell, and Sarah inside. "California Love" starts playing in the background as they drive away from the burning building. However, when RK, Wade, and Jaylynn became a bigger part of the story, I changed it. In a way, killing Cyma was easy to do. Buster even points out that killing her after everything she did isn't good enough. She has to live with what she did for the rest of her life until she finally kicks the bucket some other way.

-Buster pointing out the fact that Sarah and Russell were killed, along with Cyma being brutally assaulted was a way to let the viewer know that the episode itself recognizes this situation and should portray it realistically, but why do that when the episode's over? And at that point, Buster had just realized it so who cares? By the way, "Slice of Fantastica," mostly due to the circumstances of Part II, isn't going to be brought up a lot by the characters. If it is, it will just be to hang a lampshade or to make some kind of meta-joke.


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